Infiltrating the Thalmor Embassy

I hope you don't hate me for leaving you with a cliff hanger for a week. Not really cliff hanger for those who have played the game, though. Those who haven't played it must have endured torture, and you are seriously neglected if you haven't played this yet. No more dilly dallying; let's just GO!

Let's have a PARTY!

This next step towards finding out where the heck these dragons came from involves party crashing... in a very subtle and smooth sort of way. Stylish too. Delphine tells you to drop off all of your gear with a guy serving drinks at the party. He's a wood elf with a bad personality and very skittish. I forget his name, but I remember I killed him multiple times trying to figure out how to get through some dumb door. Story for later. I drop off my gear and then head back to the stable in my under wear to get the clothes for the party. Come on, I just wanted to have all my equipment available at the party. They do pat downs and won't let anyone sneak by with so much as a pen knife; not that they have pens, but I suppose the equivalent would be a quill. That accomplished, they take me to the Thalmor Embassy on my very own specially procured wagon!

Dude, that's why EVERYBODY came.

Woohoo! What a PARTY! Everyone sitting around, chatting, and drinking. Woo... I pop on over to the bar and meet my good friend the antsy elf. He discreetly tells me to get a distraction going, so that I can sneak to the back where all my equipment is. Easy enough. I ask my good friend the Jarl of.......... Morthal? The lady who is psychic and stuff. She helped me out by shouting about all sorts of bad omens and such. It was very comical, but I couldn't stay because I was sneaking around to the door. Success! Then a little skittishness from the elf worrying about being noticed. No problemo man; we did great distracting those fools. Then his dark side takes over....

He shuts up the cook who just so happens to be a khajit addicted to moon sugar. He'll apparently rat her out if she rats us out soooo.... Yeah! I get my stuff and kill the guy millions of times because I can't figure out that the door I'm supposed to go through is right across from the chest my stuff was in. Most frustrating moment of my life.

Ha... Yeaaaah, this kinda does happen, actually.

  I didn't MEAN to, okay?! My sneaking skill at this point totally sucks, and I can't sneak past anyone worth a d***. They ALL hear me and they ALL attack me and they ALL end up dead. I don't understand how the people at the party never noticed. Doesn't matter to me; I got what I came for. A journal and this one guy. He was a prisoner that I released who does something I forget and I kill a bunch of people down in the dungeon too. Quite the blood bath. Welp! I got what I came for, so SEE YA!

What the heck are you doing out here!

Leaving this place should have been relatively easy, but once I got out of the embassy, I met up with a troll. Thankfully, I was on a ledge and simply shot him and roasted him to death. Needless to say, he was very frustrated that he couldn't get to me, and I was very pleased. NOW, I am TRULY free, and I take my findings back to Delphine and she tells me....

Return of the Main Questline!

Here it is! The long awaited rebeginning of Skyrim! I've decided I'll probably post on this blog maybe once or twice a week. I suppose we'll see how it goes. For this edition, I'll continue where I left off from the main quest. Short recap: I went to Whiterun, slayed a dragon, met the Gray Beards, learned some shouts, and joined the Companions. Now....

A MYSTERIOUS LETTER FROM SOME 'FRIEND!' I get his after slaying the dragon, and I've been getting lots of these notes from my random 'friends.' Unlike the others, this one causes the main quest to move forward, so I go where the note tells me... I forget where it is, but I'm supposed to rent the attic room. Cool. I'll head there now! So I get to this Inn and ask for the attic room, but they don't have one! They give me some other room, so I go in to check it out. It's okay, I guess. Then comes in some strange lady saying "So you're the Dragonborn."

Who ARE you?

"How did YOU know that?" Is what I'm thinking, but then the lady says something along the lines "But I'm not completely sure." ...... Okay..... We settle in to have a nice chat, and she tells me all about the Blades and how awesome they were a hundred years ago and that they were SKILLED dragon hunters. The BEST. I indulge her with my many questions, and then it gets good. THE DRAGONS ARE COMING BACK AND WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY! .... That's funny, I thought it was normal to have dragons flying around trying to kill me... You're saying they aren't supposed to exist? I obviously didn't read the books lying around talking about the dragons being long gone. Or notice the people saying things like "Dragons?! I've only heard about them in legends!" and "Dragons? I don't believe you; they don't exist." hmmmmmmm........ Okay, Delphine, tell me what this is all about. Delphine is her name, by the way.

Long explanation later....

Let's go to a dragon's grave site and see who is bringing them back to life! Sounds like an adventure. Lead the way, Delphine, cause you NPC people always know the best way to these places. Or so I thought....

What are you wearing? I don't get it but okay.

I swear we go through more bandit camps and wolf packs than I ever did traveling alone with Lydia. We probably take out three bandit leaders MINIMUM. Delphine, I am never following you ever again. We EVENTUALLY make it to the dragon burial mound, and this is when I squeal with excitement. A DRAGON APPEARS! The whole time I'm freaking out about seeing a dragon Delphine is telling me to take cover and not to do anything stupid. I stand there stupidly and watch as the dragon speaks in that AWESOME dragon language to the mound. I was thoroughly impressed. Out crawls this dragon skeleton that's regenerating, and I'm like...

"IT'S ALIIIIIIIIVE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Upon its revival, the other dragon, who looks like a total BOSS, looks down at me and starts trash talking me! He says that I'm not worthy of the Thum or being born with a dragon's soul. Jerk! You'll come to regret that! Nonetheless, I can't help but be completely dumbstruck by a dragon actually speaking to me. Look, I know the other ones shout at me and stuff, but none of them had yet to take their time and belittle me in their language.... Maybe they were but I didn't notice. The point is that this one actually spoke human and it was very exciting. Even if he was bashing me. Then he just flies away! Leaving me to deal with another bash talking dragon. YES!

You're a tricky bas***d aren't you? Let's DO this!

This dragon was a piece of cake. Seriously, I am waaaaay stronger than the first time I fought a dragon; plus, I have a bunch of army people with me including Delphine a supposedly awesome dragon slayer. She wasn't much help, or the other people. Most of them got eaten or thrown into the air or picked up and dropped. I was filled with admiration for this dragon's skill, but then it landed and I killed it. Skilled but stupid. Job well done! Delphine congratulates me and admits that I am indeed the Dragonborn. I could have told her that. Well, I guess I did my job, now what, Delphine?

INFILTRATE THE SYSTEM!

That's a nice little cliffhanger for all of my dedicated and wonderful and special and amazing and super readers. I will post next week on what happens next! Mahahaha!

Skyrim is going on VACATION!

Considering that I have played Skyrim for MONTHS straight with no other video games to distract me, I believe that I deserve something else to occupy my time with. I have done this in the form of another video game *drum roll* *rolling* *rolling* *rolling* DEUS EX: HUMAN REVOLUTION! I will henceforth be putting this Skyrim blog on hold until further notice, unless of course you people give me so many dismayed comments that I can't NOT post for fear of letting you all down. It would shame me. I have another excuse, of course, this one takes the form of a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot of other things going on such as reports, essays, reports, speeches, reports, did I mention reports? Anyways, I'll be busy, so if I get some TIME... or I really don't want to work on reports *cough* I'll add some more, but until then, I bid a most sincere farewell. For now....

Well, Skyrim, it was fun. Now may you rest in peace.

P.S. Be looking forward to my future blog on Deus Ex and all its awesomeness!

.... Here's a little something for my extra special readers.... Call it a sneak peek of the hotness that is Deus Ex. God I love this game already! Here's a link for that blog: http://humanrevolutionjustgotreal.blogspot.com/

You here that? I'm pretty sure that was the sound of my excitement! *squeeeeeaaaal*

Glitches Galore!

Here it is all those wonderful ANNOYING glitches that occur in the Companions quests. There are many, and some of them may even interfere with the main quest, so be WARY! I will make sure to pay close attention to these ones, so if you are ever playing Skyrim and decide to join the Companions you will know EXACTLY what you are getting into!

PEGASUS!

Featured above is not an actual glitch you can get for joining the Companions. I just didn't feel like scrounging through all the pictures on the internet for a good one... This is what you get. I'm sorry. I commend my readers on being so loyal to me. I-I really do a-appreciate it. BASHFULNESS OVER! Let's get to it!

First glitch, BEWARE where you transform into a werewolf. Bad things can and DO happen, depending on the place you decide to go all BEAST on somebody. The BAD thing that happens to you IIIIIIIISSSSSS!!!!!!

WEREWOLF FOREVER!!!!!

WEREWOLF FOREVER!!!!! I tend to repeat myself. Basically, what "WEREWOLF FOREVER!!!!!" means is that if you transform in the wrong place your going to be stuck in this nasty beasty form FOREVER! You will spend the rest of your days in Skyrim unable to loot, open your items menu, or visit your family in town. You will be one sad lonely, ugly dog, feeding off the corpses of those who desired to HUNT and KILL you. Where can this atrocity occur you ask? In caves, dungeons, ruins, and mostly anywhere that doesn't save as 'Skyrim.' In other words, don't transform anywhere that isn't outside. Sorry, dungeon divers, being a werewolf is not for you if you greatly desire this feature.

The second GLITCH is........

BOWSER! Wait, what?

This is what you get when you Google images of "stomping." It is a very nice shot of Bowser losing his temper (he is my favorite villain of all time, by the way). Please, just ignore the watermark... I DID NOT steal this. No way. I'm getting no where with this. Back on track here. The second glitch is after you transform back into a human, you will hear yourself stomping around like in werewolf form. At first when this happened to me, I thought there was something coming up behind me. FREAKED me out! I figured it out though, nice try Bethesda, nice try... This glitch doesn't last forever, so it's harmless! Yay! People don't even look at you funny for sounding like a mammoth trudging around. Only drawback is how there is that constant and annoying stomping sound.

The THIRD glitch of DOOOOOM!

Evil glitched helmet!

DO NOT START THE 'RETRIEVE THE HELM OF WINTERHOLD' QUEST WHILE DOING THE COMPANIONS QUESTS! You have been warned. This glitch will ruin the Companions questline! Meaning, you will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER be able to complete it, EVER! Which isn't entirely true, but it adds to the drama so I left it in there. I don't know what it does exactly, only that you wil never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever be able to finish the Companions quest line and become head of the Companions. *spoiler* There are many ways to remedy this if you have already done this stupid thing. I don't feel like listing ALL the MANY things you can do, so here's a link that tells you ALL about IT: http://elderscrolls.wikia.com/wiki/Blood%27s_Honor

The last glitch that comes to mind is really exciting, so here it IS!

What are you doing here, man? I thought you was DEAD!

After successfully defeating the Companions questline, SOMEBODY decides to come back to life like NOTHING HAPPENED! This dumb butt is called Skjor, pronounced 'idiot who won't stay dead.' Before becoming head of the Companions this guy would give me all my jobs to do. He called me 'whelp' and made me do everything that nobody else wanted to do... Until I was BEASTIFIED! Then we decided to run off and kill all the Silverhand people. Skjor, Aela, and I ransacked their headquarters, and, of course, Skjor being our 'leader' went to scout ahead and gore people without us. It was not surprising when we found him dead at the end of the tunnel. Very touching moment here. Aela and I looked down at his body, cold and lifeless, a symbol of what every warrior should aspire to be: bald, blind in one eye (got that covered I'm blind in BOTH!), and incredibly bad tempered and stupid (On certain occasions I have that one covered too). At that moment, we swore REVENGE! We would destroy and gore every single one of those stupid Silverhands. Not one would live. After that, I looted his body and stole everything he had. Aela didn't seem to notice or care.

This is why it came to me as such a shock that he would be hanging out in Jorrvasker. He acts like nothing ever happened, like he never even DIED! I know the truth, though, Skjor is in some kind of weak denial and decided to come back to Skyrim for some unknown stupid, pathetic reason. Maybe it was to pester me. It was okay to be belittled by him BEFORE I was transformed into a glorious creature of death and destruction cause I was a nobody, but AFTER I become the head of the Companions, nobody has the right to bash talk me, NOBODY. Even though this is the case, Skjor idiot face keeps calling me 'whelp.' I hate him from the bottom of my heart... Maybe this is his way of getting revenge for all the stuff I stole off his dead body. That might be it. Even so, I have no idea where this glitch came from or what to do about it. I suppose I could just kill him, but then I would most likely be kicked out of the Companions and slottered by them. Not what I want happening anytime soon. For now, I shall leave dumb butt alone... For now...

Well! That's all I got! The Companions is filled with glitches, kind like aids... you can't really get rid of them. Unless! you are a lucky person who is playing Skyrim on a PC, then you can cheat and do everything... I am a hater of the PC people, though I am one of them at heart. It's a jealousy thing. Anyways, join the Companions at your own risk and enjoy the fun goring times!

The COMPANIONZ!

It's really hard to think of something to follow up my Lydia post... Hmmmm.... I suppose I could go into depth about my induction into the Companions Guild and its crap ton of glitches. Yeah, let's go with that!

Approach the Companions Guild to combat the glitches inside!

I joined the Companions right after meeting the Graybeards and learning awesome shouts. They didn't seem too impressed by me, but since I helped out killing a giant on my way to Whiterun waaaaaay back, they decide to give me a chance. Henceforth, I am put through a test! Huzzah! Just what you'd expect in order to be inducted into the ranks of the Companions! I am so ready for this, these Companion people don't even know. I head out to the training field where Vilkas is waiting to test my abilities.

I'm here to talk about how I'm going to impress you with my SKILLZ!

My test consists of me beating the crap out of Vilkas until he says "You're in." .... That does not happen to me. We get ready to fight, and I come in swinging with a perfect strike! Yeah! Take THAT! "We do not use magic. Now strike me." .... "Dude, I just DID!" Well... Whatever you say, I guess. I hit him again and again and he keeps saying that you can't use magic and to hit him some more. Creepy masochist. After beating this guy for about 10 minutes, I decide to screw it. "If you can't tell the difference between a sword and a magic attack then you're a BOOB!" I stomp away angrily, and stupid Vilkas keeps trying to fight me. Then it dawns on me. My sword is ENCHANTED! He was confusing my enchantments for magic (which technically they are, but I'm not THAT technical). Okay, easy fix. I swap out my sword for an unechanted one (the PLAIN kind... meh), and proceed to beat the crap out of him, AGAIN! Only this time it takes just ONE hit before he says uncle. I know. I'm a beast... How ironic the statement. Meheheheheheheh...

Now that I am OFFICIALLY a Companion, I get to do all the grunt work. This consists of rescueing the damsel in distress (which are all guys in my case. Odd.), clearing out some woods of tree people, and whatever else they ask me to do. I do my work, and I do it GOOD! There is no way I am staying at the bottom of the ladder forever. No way! Fortune smiles upon me. After a few quests for the Companions, I am offered a gift. A really kick butt awesome amazing super spectacular wonderful gift. I get the opportunity to become a WEREWOLF!

Yes! Gore thine enemies! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"I will TAKE that offer!" A drink of blood and a rampage later, I am a true BEAST. A creature of the night. A nightmare upon men! A bloodthirsty DEMON waiting to DESTROY all and everyone! Actually, I never hurt anyone the first time I tranformed... I ran around a jumped off the top of the Sky Forge. I can't believe the guards NEVER found me. This shall be my secret from them. I'm what you would call a debonair werewolf. I tend to get along with people in werewolf form, so long as I avoid them and they don't attack me... Which EVERYONE does... I guess if they're stupid enough to attack me then they deserve to be gored.

Oh, man... Now that I think of it. There are SOOOOO many glitches involved with this particular section of Skyrim. This presents the wonderful opportunity to save it for another post! Yay, for you! Plus, I am too lazy and my internet is too slow to add anymore. Thank you for your consideration and kind words.

Lydia! The amazing HOUSECARL!

Get EXCITED people! Today is the day that I tell you all about my travelling companion: Lydia!

Be warned! Googling images for Lydia is VERY disturbing. So DON'T do it!

I now know that even though I have warned you not to Google Lydia... You are all going to go Google Lydia... I tried... ....That doesn't matter at the moment, though! YOU are here to read about what I have to say about Lydia.

I'll start with a quick introduction. You know that after I defeat my FIRST ever dragon that I have to return to Whiterun and what not to see the Jarl. Well, after all THAT nonsense I get to meet Lydia. She's chilling out down by the entrance to Dragonsreach, and simply states. "I am your Housecarl. Yada yada. I will protect you with my life. Yada yada." I get the gist of it, and am thrilled to have someone following me around fighting bad guys with me! The great thing about her and every other housecarl is that: she's INVINCIBLE! There is no way that the bad guys or the mud crabs can take her down. That privilege is reserved for ME! I am the only one that can actually kill Lydia, and this happens A LOT! Whether it's on purpose, her own fault, or she does something stupid like GETTING IN MY WAY WHEN KILLING A DRAGON! Now that we know all this...

Yeah, Lydia, let's go!

Despite Lydia's knack for getting herself killed ALL THE TIME she has her redeeming qualities. The main one his her undying loyalty and devotion. No matter what life threatening situations we get into, she never backs down. Which is good and bad at the same time, but we're going with the good points right now, so.... Her loyalty is the most amazing thing on the planet!

Another thing I find myself remembering about Lydia is that I would talk to her. Literally. Most of what I would say to her consists of phrases like "Here we go again, Lydia. Please don't get killed, OKAY?" and "Looks exciting. Don't die, Lydia!" and "JUST DON'T DIE, OKAY?!" What she would say consists of phrases like "Ooh, a cave! Wonder what's inside?" and "Wow, I've never seen anything like that before." and "I've got a bad feeling about this." Now that I look at it, my phrases work as better responses than hers do. Make sense? I'll give you an example:
Lydia "I've got a bad feeling about this."
Me "JUST DON'T DIE, OKAY?"
Now try that with the other phrases. It made me laugh.

Lydia also has the uncanny ability to bring my wrath down upon her. This can be in the form of FUSing her off the top of a mountain, pushing her into mammoth stake pits, and anything else that seemed like a good idea at the time. No, I am not a cruel and heartless person, Lydia was just asking for it. Really. She does that to you on purpose so that you get this horrible image of yourself. Nonetheless, it is slightly MEAN, but it shouldn't be a problem, right? I mean, these housecarls are INVINCIBLE! ............... I know.... I am indeed killing her A LOT..... I save before I do anything risky, though. So no matter how many times you die, Lydia, I've got your back!

This happens ALL THE TIME! 

I will now tell you the story of "The Mammoth Pit." It was a bright sunshiny day, Lydia and I are doing the usual, killing some bandit leader and taking all his loot. We are traveling a short distance from Whiterun, past some mammoth field, when we discover a mammoth pit. You know, like one of those pits you chase the mammoth into? The ones filled with impaling stakes? That one. As I peek over the edge into the pit, Lydia casual BUMPS INTO ME! I nearly DIED! This must be Lydia starting to show her rebellious side, even though I haven't done anything to her... yet. I look at Lydia for a bit, and then get right in her face so that she backs off going "Aweoh!" (It's really hard to imitate what her disgusted voice sounds like) She backs up right into the pit. Success. At this point I'm thinking, is there anything that Lydia can't survive? Hmmmmm....

This looks like a nice spot to practice my FUS RO DAH shout. Right, Lydia?

I think you can guess what's coming next. My FUS RO DAH test, and who better to test it on than my faithful companion Lydia? Sorry, Lydia, but you are just so convenient since you follow me wherever I go. The main reason I am putting Lydia through all this is to see how much she can take before leaving my side for good. Not in the dead way, but just in the "Hey, you're putting me through all this abuse and I'm not going to put up with it anymore. See ya!" I think something went wrong in my childhood. Anyways, we begin this test in Markarth. I climb to the highest place, position Lydia in front of me, and blast her off with my amazing FUS RO DAHing. I look down where she landed and VOILA! Lydia picks herself up and runs back up the stairs to my side. Congrats, Lydia! Now we're on to round TWO!

Roooound TWO! This round takes place near the top of a mountain with a lovely view of Skyrim. Again, I position Lydia in front of me and shout her into the SKY! She flies through the air like some sort of majestic projectile of DEATH! It takes her a LOOOOONG  time to reach the bottom, or so I assume because I definitely can't see her anymore from where I'm standing. No worries, I know the general location of where she fell. I use my Become Ethereal shout and hop down there to find her... It takes a long time, but eventually I find her legs sticking up out of the ground! Success! Except not really because she's dead.

After failing to get Lydia to leave my side by these means, I decide to simply beat her up with my sword. It doesn't take too long for her to say "Hey! I'm on YOUR side!" I continue and she continues to say her little phrase, and then IT happens. She sheathes her weapon and WALKS AWAY! I faint I'm so surprised. "That's really all it took?" I ask her as I follow her to wherever she's going. No reply. "Shocking." I say. After a while I build up the courage to actually speak to her in game. I faint again. She talks to me like NOTHING happened. She'll still "Protect you with my life" and crap! I couldn't believe it! I thought I had destroyed our relationship forever, excluding the death part of it! Oh, well. We can just go find something else to do.

I would add another picture, but I'm so sick and tired of looking at gross perverted pictures of Lydia and co, so yeah... There is definitely more I could say about Lydia, but I won't because I'm to tired and lazy to add anymore. This is what you get! I'll be sure to add whatever I feel like adding in my later posts. Look forward to it! 

My DESTINY!

You know, it's really hard to decide on what adventures to tell you about, besides the constant spelunking and dungeon diving. Dontcha worry, though! Since, right after I defeated my FIRST ever dragon I had to return to the Jarl and confess to him that "Yeah, I'm kinda somebody called the 'Dragonborn' and I have a destiny waiting out there for me so...."

Oh, yes! The epicness! Now begins my journey towards DESTINY!

Of course, since I have absolutely no clue what the Dragonborn is (not ME, my CHARACTER has no idea what the dragonborn is) the Jarl suggests I go to... WAIT! You know how after I defeat the dragon I loot it's body and pick up all its bones and scales? That part? Okay, good! I walk ever so slowly back to Whiterun. In fact, I walk back so slowly it makes my internet look fast... That is an amazing accomplishment. That's not the exciting part, though... As I approach the huge gate to Whiterun, the world comes to an END! No, that doesn't actually happen, but my controller shakes and the screen shakes and my character shakes... and an almighty voice shouts "DOVAKHIM!" Ever since this part in the game, this is what I expect God to say when the end really does come.

Now, we can get to the part when the Jarl sits there all cool like while telling me that "Well, if you really are the Dragonborn, you should go see the Graybeards." I follow his guidance like one of his well trained lackies. What else am I going to do? Complete every OTHER quest before the main one? .... Hmmmmm.... Tempting...

You can picture it, right? This dude shouting "DOVAKHIM!" For some reason, though, I only imagine him saying it in a creepyish whisper... *dovaaakhiiiiiiiiiiim*

Don't worry, I don't actually go off and complete every other quest before this one. I come here because I don't want to miss out on the EPICNESS that is the Graybeards. They're actually not that amazing, and the only things they have going for them is their location and their boss... Who I shall not reveal to you because it would be MAJOR spoiler. Just kidding! Their boss is named Parthunax and he ISSSSSSSSS!!!! How many times will I have to say it? I'm not going to spoil you until the time comes, and you can enjoy the shock and awe I felt when I learned the truth! Just once, it would seem. UNLESS, I feel like toturing you with the fact that I know more than you do, and you're not going to learn about it until near the end... Which will be awhile!

Forget that tangent! I'm REALLY going to the Graybeards because, after this... I will be able to fight dragons all over the place! This is what my friend told me, and apparently it's not totally accurate. If you want to fight dragons before seeing the Graybeards, you CAN! This is just one of the features of Skyrim that makes it so awesome. You can go anywhere, do anything, WHENEVER you want! Yay! Even though in the larger scheme of things you can mess up the order of doing things, and you will probably be going back to many dungeons you were in before to obtain various junk for other people... redundancy... which leads to... BOREDOM!

Guess we could do the main quest now, I 'spose.

I have to admit how short sighted I was when I took on this quest. I left my stolen horse at the bottom of the mountain and hiked up the BILLION steps on foot... Not one of my brightest moments, but in my defense: horses seem to have problems running up stairs. Even though in everything ELSE: they deny the laws of physics.

Can't get up that sheer rock wall? Ride a horse!

Upon reaching the top of the stairs, I see a shrine with various goodies around it and a HUGE chest of what has GOT to be important stuff. I grab everything else, and then approach the chest, as I activate it, I notice right before it opens that my pointer had said Chest (empty).... you b******! After all that ridiculous climbing, nearly getting mauld by a troll, and having to make sure Lydia didn't get accidently killed by me (I will explain who Lydia is in her own little post, because there is just so much that happens to her that she needs the room!) and you leave me with THIS?! An EMPTY epic chest? Really? For real? Seriously? ..... WHY?! Well, I'll tell you, since nobody else will. Ahem. According to the story, and if you really care about the depth of the world created AND if you listened to the two guys down at the bottom talking about bringing supplies to the Graybeards, THEN you would know.

See? They don't talk to YOU, they talk to Klimmek... Whoever that is....

Soooooo, after eavesdropping on their conversation, I KNOW what that chest is for, but I was just in denial about it. I wanted there to be something in there that would be useful to me, since... you know... I'm the Dragonborn and all... *cough* In reality, there is nothing in there because the guy who was SUPPOSED to put stuff in there didn't do what he was SUPPOSED to do as the delivery boy because he's a woose! Hear that, Klimmek?! You're a little PANSY! Now I don't get my loot because you're afraid of a few wolves and a TROLL! Come on! One troll can't kill you! (Actually, they can! Especially in the beginning of the game, where everyone else is a weak mortal taken down by stupid mudcrabs). ...Now you know the truth. No matter how much you want to deny it, that first epic chest is empty because it was supposed to be filled with supplies for the Graybeards, but idiot, fool, pansy Klimmek did not do his job properly, and we all have to deal with the consequences. Even though there are going to be numerous other epic chests, this is just pathetic. Who knows how helpful that loot could have been in the beginning of them game when we were all weak and defenseless and all we have for backup is Lydia-who-gets-in-my-way-and-gets-killed-by-me-all-the-time? We'll never know because Klimmek is a useless delivery boy and can't make this delivery because YOU KNOW WHAT?! FORGET ABOUT KLIMMEK! LET'S JUST GET ON WITH MY DESTINY!

I just... I just want one good picture of my destiny. Just ONE! It is turning out to be difficult to capture this in a picture, but I'm looking! I WILL find a picture! Unless, I get too lazy and opt out for one that is marginally epic... Come on, people! I'm not asking for a lot! I'm only asking that you accurately capture all my thoughts and feelings in an epic picture portraying my destiny. Stupid internet and your slowness.

I could say something like this: "SKYRIM is my destiny!" Which wouldn't be a total lie...

Woah... I believe, ladies and gentlemen, that I have gotten to the HEART of this! My DESTINY is to conquer AAAALLLLL of Tamriel! Or at least as much as possible! While I go do that you people are responsible for holding down the fort! Wish me luck!