Lydia! The amazing HOUSECARL!

Get EXCITED people! Today is the day that I tell you all about my travelling companion: Lydia!

Be warned! Googling images for Lydia is VERY disturbing. So DON'T do it!

I now know that even though I have warned you not to Google Lydia... You are all going to go Google Lydia... I tried... ....That doesn't matter at the moment, though! YOU are here to read about what I have to say about Lydia.

I'll start with a quick introduction. You know that after I defeat my FIRST ever dragon that I have to return to Whiterun and what not to see the Jarl. Well, after all THAT nonsense I get to meet Lydia. She's chilling out down by the entrance to Dragonsreach, and simply states. "I am your Housecarl. Yada yada. I will protect you with my life. Yada yada." I get the gist of it, and am thrilled to have someone following me around fighting bad guys with me! The great thing about her and every other housecarl is that: she's INVINCIBLE! There is no way that the bad guys or the mud crabs can take her down. That privilege is reserved for ME! I am the only one that can actually kill Lydia, and this happens A LOT! Whether it's on purpose, her own fault, or she does something stupid like GETTING IN MY WAY WHEN KILLING A DRAGON! Now that we know all this...

Yeah, Lydia, let's go!

Despite Lydia's knack for getting herself killed ALL THE TIME she has her redeeming qualities. The main one his her undying loyalty and devotion. No matter what life threatening situations we get into, she never backs down. Which is good and bad at the same time, but we're going with the good points right now, so.... Her loyalty is the most amazing thing on the planet!

Another thing I find myself remembering about Lydia is that I would talk to her. Literally. Most of what I would say to her consists of phrases like "Here we go again, Lydia. Please don't get killed, OKAY?" and "Looks exciting. Don't die, Lydia!" and "JUST DON'T DIE, OKAY?!" What she would say consists of phrases like "Ooh, a cave! Wonder what's inside?" and "Wow, I've never seen anything like that before." and "I've got a bad feeling about this." Now that I look at it, my phrases work as better responses than hers do. Make sense? I'll give you an example:
Lydia "I've got a bad feeling about this."
Me "JUST DON'T DIE, OKAY?"
Now try that with the other phrases. It made me laugh.

Lydia also has the uncanny ability to bring my wrath down upon her. This can be in the form of FUSing her off the top of a mountain, pushing her into mammoth stake pits, and anything else that seemed like a good idea at the time. No, I am not a cruel and heartless person, Lydia was just asking for it. Really. She does that to you on purpose so that you get this horrible image of yourself. Nonetheless, it is slightly MEAN, but it shouldn't be a problem, right? I mean, these housecarls are INVINCIBLE! ............... I know.... I am indeed killing her A LOT..... I save before I do anything risky, though. So no matter how many times you die, Lydia, I've got your back!

This happens ALL THE TIME! 

I will now tell you the story of "The Mammoth Pit." It was a bright sunshiny day, Lydia and I are doing the usual, killing some bandit leader and taking all his loot. We are traveling a short distance from Whiterun, past some mammoth field, when we discover a mammoth pit. You know, like one of those pits you chase the mammoth into? The ones filled with impaling stakes? That one. As I peek over the edge into the pit, Lydia casual BUMPS INTO ME! I nearly DIED! This must be Lydia starting to show her rebellious side, even though I haven't done anything to her... yet. I look at Lydia for a bit, and then get right in her face so that she backs off going "Aweoh!" (It's really hard to imitate what her disgusted voice sounds like) She backs up right into the pit. Success. At this point I'm thinking, is there anything that Lydia can't survive? Hmmmmm....

This looks like a nice spot to practice my FUS RO DAH shout. Right, Lydia?

I think you can guess what's coming next. My FUS RO DAH test, and who better to test it on than my faithful companion Lydia? Sorry, Lydia, but you are just so convenient since you follow me wherever I go. The main reason I am putting Lydia through all this is to see how much she can take before leaving my side for good. Not in the dead way, but just in the "Hey, you're putting me through all this abuse and I'm not going to put up with it anymore. See ya!" I think something went wrong in my childhood. Anyways, we begin this test in Markarth. I climb to the highest place, position Lydia in front of me, and blast her off with my amazing FUS RO DAHing. I look down where she landed and VOILA! Lydia picks herself up and runs back up the stairs to my side. Congrats, Lydia! Now we're on to round TWO!

Roooound TWO! This round takes place near the top of a mountain with a lovely view of Skyrim. Again, I position Lydia in front of me and shout her into the SKY! She flies through the air like some sort of majestic projectile of DEATH! It takes her a LOOOOONG  time to reach the bottom, or so I assume because I definitely can't see her anymore from where I'm standing. No worries, I know the general location of where she fell. I use my Become Ethereal shout and hop down there to find her... It takes a long time, but eventually I find her legs sticking up out of the ground! Success! Except not really because she's dead.

After failing to get Lydia to leave my side by these means, I decide to simply beat her up with my sword. It doesn't take too long for her to say "Hey! I'm on YOUR side!" I continue and she continues to say her little phrase, and then IT happens. She sheathes her weapon and WALKS AWAY! I faint I'm so surprised. "That's really all it took?" I ask her as I follow her to wherever she's going. No reply. "Shocking." I say. After a while I build up the courage to actually speak to her in game. I faint again. She talks to me like NOTHING happened. She'll still "Protect you with my life" and crap! I couldn't believe it! I thought I had destroyed our relationship forever, excluding the death part of it! Oh, well. We can just go find something else to do.

I would add another picture, but I'm so sick and tired of looking at gross perverted pictures of Lydia and co, so yeah... There is definitely more I could say about Lydia, but I won't because I'm to tired and lazy to add anymore. This is what you get! I'll be sure to add whatever I feel like adding in my later posts. Look forward to it!