Skyrim is going on VACATION!

Considering that I have played Skyrim for MONTHS straight with no other video games to distract me, I believe that I deserve something else to occupy my time with. I have done this in the form of another video game *drum roll* *rolling* *rolling* *rolling* DEUS EX: HUMAN REVOLUTION! I will henceforth be putting this Skyrim blog on hold until further notice, unless of course you people give me so many dismayed comments that I can't NOT post for fear of letting you all down. It would shame me. I have another excuse, of course, this one takes the form of a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot of other things going on such as reports, essays, reports, speeches, reports, did I mention reports? Anyways, I'll be busy, so if I get some TIME... or I really don't want to work on reports *cough* I'll add some more, but until then, I bid a most sincere farewell. For now....

Well, Skyrim, it was fun. Now may you rest in peace.

P.S. Be looking forward to my future blog on Deus Ex and all its awesomeness!

.... Here's a little something for my extra special readers.... Call it a sneak peek of the hotness that is Deus Ex. God I love this game already! Here's a link for that blog: http://humanrevolutionjustgotreal.blogspot.com/

You here that? I'm pretty sure that was the sound of my excitement! *squeeeeeaaaal*

Glitches Galore!

Here it is all those wonderful ANNOYING glitches that occur in the Companions quests. There are many, and some of them may even interfere with the main quest, so be WARY! I will make sure to pay close attention to these ones, so if you are ever playing Skyrim and decide to join the Companions you will know EXACTLY what you are getting into!

PEGASUS!

Featured above is not an actual glitch you can get for joining the Companions. I just didn't feel like scrounging through all the pictures on the internet for a good one... This is what you get. I'm sorry. I commend my readers on being so loyal to me. I-I really do a-appreciate it. BASHFULNESS OVER! Let's get to it!

First glitch, BEWARE where you transform into a werewolf. Bad things can and DO happen, depending on the place you decide to go all BEAST on somebody. The BAD thing that happens to you IIIIIIIISSSSSS!!!!!!

WEREWOLF FOREVER!!!!!

WEREWOLF FOREVER!!!!! I tend to repeat myself. Basically, what "WEREWOLF FOREVER!!!!!" means is that if you transform in the wrong place your going to be stuck in this nasty beasty form FOREVER! You will spend the rest of your days in Skyrim unable to loot, open your items menu, or visit your family in town. You will be one sad lonely, ugly dog, feeding off the corpses of those who desired to HUNT and KILL you. Where can this atrocity occur you ask? In caves, dungeons, ruins, and mostly anywhere that doesn't save as 'Skyrim.' In other words, don't transform anywhere that isn't outside. Sorry, dungeon divers, being a werewolf is not for you if you greatly desire this feature.

The second GLITCH is........

BOWSER! Wait, what?

This is what you get when you Google images of "stomping." It is a very nice shot of Bowser losing his temper (he is my favorite villain of all time, by the way). Please, just ignore the watermark... I DID NOT steal this. No way. I'm getting no where with this. Back on track here. The second glitch is after you transform back into a human, you will hear yourself stomping around like in werewolf form. At first when this happened to me, I thought there was something coming up behind me. FREAKED me out! I figured it out though, nice try Bethesda, nice try... This glitch doesn't last forever, so it's harmless! Yay! People don't even look at you funny for sounding like a mammoth trudging around. Only drawback is how there is that constant and annoying stomping sound.

The THIRD glitch of DOOOOOM!

Evil glitched helmet!

DO NOT START THE 'RETRIEVE THE HELM OF WINTERHOLD' QUEST WHILE DOING THE COMPANIONS QUESTS! You have been warned. This glitch will ruin the Companions questline! Meaning, you will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER be able to complete it, EVER! Which isn't entirely true, but it adds to the drama so I left it in there. I don't know what it does exactly, only that you wil never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever be able to finish the Companions quest line and become head of the Companions. *spoiler* There are many ways to remedy this if you have already done this stupid thing. I don't feel like listing ALL the MANY things you can do, so here's a link that tells you ALL about IT: http://elderscrolls.wikia.com/wiki/Blood%27s_Honor

The last glitch that comes to mind is really exciting, so here it IS!

What are you doing here, man? I thought you was DEAD!

After successfully defeating the Companions questline, SOMEBODY decides to come back to life like NOTHING HAPPENED! This dumb butt is called Skjor, pronounced 'idiot who won't stay dead.' Before becoming head of the Companions this guy would give me all my jobs to do. He called me 'whelp' and made me do everything that nobody else wanted to do... Until I was BEASTIFIED! Then we decided to run off and kill all the Silverhand people. Skjor, Aela, and I ransacked their headquarters, and, of course, Skjor being our 'leader' went to scout ahead and gore people without us. It was not surprising when we found him dead at the end of the tunnel. Very touching moment here. Aela and I looked down at his body, cold and lifeless, a symbol of what every warrior should aspire to be: bald, blind in one eye (got that covered I'm blind in BOTH!), and incredibly bad tempered and stupid (On certain occasions I have that one covered too). At that moment, we swore REVENGE! We would destroy and gore every single one of those stupid Silverhands. Not one would live. After that, I looted his body and stole everything he had. Aela didn't seem to notice or care.

This is why it came to me as such a shock that he would be hanging out in Jorrvasker. He acts like nothing ever happened, like he never even DIED! I know the truth, though, Skjor is in some kind of weak denial and decided to come back to Skyrim for some unknown stupid, pathetic reason. Maybe it was to pester me. It was okay to be belittled by him BEFORE I was transformed into a glorious creature of death and destruction cause I was a nobody, but AFTER I become the head of the Companions, nobody has the right to bash talk me, NOBODY. Even though this is the case, Skjor idiot face keeps calling me 'whelp.' I hate him from the bottom of my heart... Maybe this is his way of getting revenge for all the stuff I stole off his dead body. That might be it. Even so, I have no idea where this glitch came from or what to do about it. I suppose I could just kill him, but then I would most likely be kicked out of the Companions and slottered by them. Not what I want happening anytime soon. For now, I shall leave dumb butt alone... For now...

Well! That's all I got! The Companions is filled with glitches, kind like aids... you can't really get rid of them. Unless! you are a lucky person who is playing Skyrim on a PC, then you can cheat and do everything... I am a hater of the PC people, though I am one of them at heart. It's a jealousy thing. Anyways, join the Companions at your own risk and enjoy the fun goring times!

The COMPANIONZ!

It's really hard to think of something to follow up my Lydia post... Hmmmm.... I suppose I could go into depth about my induction into the Companions Guild and its crap ton of glitches. Yeah, let's go with that!

Approach the Companions Guild to combat the glitches inside!

I joined the Companions right after meeting the Graybeards and learning awesome shouts. They didn't seem too impressed by me, but since I helped out killing a giant on my way to Whiterun waaaaaay back, they decide to give me a chance. Henceforth, I am put through a test! Huzzah! Just what you'd expect in order to be inducted into the ranks of the Companions! I am so ready for this, these Companion people don't even know. I head out to the training field where Vilkas is waiting to test my abilities.

I'm here to talk about how I'm going to impress you with my SKILLZ!

My test consists of me beating the crap out of Vilkas until he says "You're in." .... That does not happen to me. We get ready to fight, and I come in swinging with a perfect strike! Yeah! Take THAT! "We do not use magic. Now strike me." .... "Dude, I just DID!" Well... Whatever you say, I guess. I hit him again and again and he keeps saying that you can't use magic and to hit him some more. Creepy masochist. After beating this guy for about 10 minutes, I decide to screw it. "If you can't tell the difference between a sword and a magic attack then you're a BOOB!" I stomp away angrily, and stupid Vilkas keeps trying to fight me. Then it dawns on me. My sword is ENCHANTED! He was confusing my enchantments for magic (which technically they are, but I'm not THAT technical). Okay, easy fix. I swap out my sword for an unechanted one (the PLAIN kind... meh), and proceed to beat the crap out of him, AGAIN! Only this time it takes just ONE hit before he says uncle. I know. I'm a beast... How ironic the statement. Meheheheheheheh...

Now that I am OFFICIALLY a Companion, I get to do all the grunt work. This consists of rescueing the damsel in distress (which are all guys in my case. Odd.), clearing out some woods of tree people, and whatever else they ask me to do. I do my work, and I do it GOOD! There is no way I am staying at the bottom of the ladder forever. No way! Fortune smiles upon me. After a few quests for the Companions, I am offered a gift. A really kick butt awesome amazing super spectacular wonderful gift. I get the opportunity to become a WEREWOLF!

Yes! Gore thine enemies! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"I will TAKE that offer!" A drink of blood and a rampage later, I am a true BEAST. A creature of the night. A nightmare upon men! A bloodthirsty DEMON waiting to DESTROY all and everyone! Actually, I never hurt anyone the first time I tranformed... I ran around a jumped off the top of the Sky Forge. I can't believe the guards NEVER found me. This shall be my secret from them. I'm what you would call a debonair werewolf. I tend to get along with people in werewolf form, so long as I avoid them and they don't attack me... Which EVERYONE does... I guess if they're stupid enough to attack me then they deserve to be gored.

Oh, man... Now that I think of it. There are SOOOOO many glitches involved with this particular section of Skyrim. This presents the wonderful opportunity to save it for another post! Yay, for you! Plus, I am too lazy and my internet is too slow to add anymore. Thank you for your consideration and kind words.

Lydia! The amazing HOUSECARL!

Get EXCITED people! Today is the day that I tell you all about my travelling companion: Lydia!

Be warned! Googling images for Lydia is VERY disturbing. So DON'T do it!

I now know that even though I have warned you not to Google Lydia... You are all going to go Google Lydia... I tried... ....That doesn't matter at the moment, though! YOU are here to read about what I have to say about Lydia.

I'll start with a quick introduction. You know that after I defeat my FIRST ever dragon that I have to return to Whiterun and what not to see the Jarl. Well, after all THAT nonsense I get to meet Lydia. She's chilling out down by the entrance to Dragonsreach, and simply states. "I am your Housecarl. Yada yada. I will protect you with my life. Yada yada." I get the gist of it, and am thrilled to have someone following me around fighting bad guys with me! The great thing about her and every other housecarl is that: she's INVINCIBLE! There is no way that the bad guys or the mud crabs can take her down. That privilege is reserved for ME! I am the only one that can actually kill Lydia, and this happens A LOT! Whether it's on purpose, her own fault, or she does something stupid like GETTING IN MY WAY WHEN KILLING A DRAGON! Now that we know all this...

Yeah, Lydia, let's go!

Despite Lydia's knack for getting herself killed ALL THE TIME she has her redeeming qualities. The main one his her undying loyalty and devotion. No matter what life threatening situations we get into, she never backs down. Which is good and bad at the same time, but we're going with the good points right now, so.... Her loyalty is the most amazing thing on the planet!

Another thing I find myself remembering about Lydia is that I would talk to her. Literally. Most of what I would say to her consists of phrases like "Here we go again, Lydia. Please don't get killed, OKAY?" and "Looks exciting. Don't die, Lydia!" and "JUST DON'T DIE, OKAY?!" What she would say consists of phrases like "Ooh, a cave! Wonder what's inside?" and "Wow, I've never seen anything like that before." and "I've got a bad feeling about this." Now that I look at it, my phrases work as better responses than hers do. Make sense? I'll give you an example:
Lydia "I've got a bad feeling about this."
Me "JUST DON'T DIE, OKAY?"
Now try that with the other phrases. It made me laugh.

Lydia also has the uncanny ability to bring my wrath down upon her. This can be in the form of FUSing her off the top of a mountain, pushing her into mammoth stake pits, and anything else that seemed like a good idea at the time. No, I am not a cruel and heartless person, Lydia was just asking for it. Really. She does that to you on purpose so that you get this horrible image of yourself. Nonetheless, it is slightly MEAN, but it shouldn't be a problem, right? I mean, these housecarls are INVINCIBLE! ............... I know.... I am indeed killing her A LOT..... I save before I do anything risky, though. So no matter how many times you die, Lydia, I've got your back!

This happens ALL THE TIME! 

I will now tell you the story of "The Mammoth Pit." It was a bright sunshiny day, Lydia and I are doing the usual, killing some bandit leader and taking all his loot. We are traveling a short distance from Whiterun, past some mammoth field, when we discover a mammoth pit. You know, like one of those pits you chase the mammoth into? The ones filled with impaling stakes? That one. As I peek over the edge into the pit, Lydia casual BUMPS INTO ME! I nearly DIED! This must be Lydia starting to show her rebellious side, even though I haven't done anything to her... yet. I look at Lydia for a bit, and then get right in her face so that she backs off going "Aweoh!" (It's really hard to imitate what her disgusted voice sounds like) She backs up right into the pit. Success. At this point I'm thinking, is there anything that Lydia can't survive? Hmmmmm....

This looks like a nice spot to practice my FUS RO DAH shout. Right, Lydia?

I think you can guess what's coming next. My FUS RO DAH test, and who better to test it on than my faithful companion Lydia? Sorry, Lydia, but you are just so convenient since you follow me wherever I go. The main reason I am putting Lydia through all this is to see how much she can take before leaving my side for good. Not in the dead way, but just in the "Hey, you're putting me through all this abuse and I'm not going to put up with it anymore. See ya!" I think something went wrong in my childhood. Anyways, we begin this test in Markarth. I climb to the highest place, position Lydia in front of me, and blast her off with my amazing FUS RO DAHing. I look down where she landed and VOILA! Lydia picks herself up and runs back up the stairs to my side. Congrats, Lydia! Now we're on to round TWO!

Roooound TWO! This round takes place near the top of a mountain with a lovely view of Skyrim. Again, I position Lydia in front of me and shout her into the SKY! She flies through the air like some sort of majestic projectile of DEATH! It takes her a LOOOOONG  time to reach the bottom, or so I assume because I definitely can't see her anymore from where I'm standing. No worries, I know the general location of where she fell. I use my Become Ethereal shout and hop down there to find her... It takes a long time, but eventually I find her legs sticking up out of the ground! Success! Except not really because she's dead.

After failing to get Lydia to leave my side by these means, I decide to simply beat her up with my sword. It doesn't take too long for her to say "Hey! I'm on YOUR side!" I continue and she continues to say her little phrase, and then IT happens. She sheathes her weapon and WALKS AWAY! I faint I'm so surprised. "That's really all it took?" I ask her as I follow her to wherever she's going. No reply. "Shocking." I say. After a while I build up the courage to actually speak to her in game. I faint again. She talks to me like NOTHING happened. She'll still "Protect you with my life" and crap! I couldn't believe it! I thought I had destroyed our relationship forever, excluding the death part of it! Oh, well. We can just go find something else to do.

I would add another picture, but I'm so sick and tired of looking at gross perverted pictures of Lydia and co, so yeah... There is definitely more I could say about Lydia, but I won't because I'm to tired and lazy to add anymore. This is what you get! I'll be sure to add whatever I feel like adding in my later posts. Look forward to it! 

My DESTINY!

You know, it's really hard to decide on what adventures to tell you about, besides the constant spelunking and dungeon diving. Dontcha worry, though! Since, right after I defeated my FIRST ever dragon I had to return to the Jarl and confess to him that "Yeah, I'm kinda somebody called the 'Dragonborn' and I have a destiny waiting out there for me so...."

Oh, yes! The epicness! Now begins my journey towards DESTINY!

Of course, since I have absolutely no clue what the Dragonborn is (not ME, my CHARACTER has no idea what the dragonborn is) the Jarl suggests I go to... WAIT! You know how after I defeat the dragon I loot it's body and pick up all its bones and scales? That part? Okay, good! I walk ever so slowly back to Whiterun. In fact, I walk back so slowly it makes my internet look fast... That is an amazing accomplishment. That's not the exciting part, though... As I approach the huge gate to Whiterun, the world comes to an END! No, that doesn't actually happen, but my controller shakes and the screen shakes and my character shakes... and an almighty voice shouts "DOVAKHIM!" Ever since this part in the game, this is what I expect God to say when the end really does come.

Now, we can get to the part when the Jarl sits there all cool like while telling me that "Well, if you really are the Dragonborn, you should go see the Graybeards." I follow his guidance like one of his well trained lackies. What else am I going to do? Complete every OTHER quest before the main one? .... Hmmmmm.... Tempting...

You can picture it, right? This dude shouting "DOVAKHIM!" For some reason, though, I only imagine him saying it in a creepyish whisper... *dovaaakhiiiiiiiiiiim*

Don't worry, I don't actually go off and complete every other quest before this one. I come here because I don't want to miss out on the EPICNESS that is the Graybeards. They're actually not that amazing, and the only things they have going for them is their location and their boss... Who I shall not reveal to you because it would be MAJOR spoiler. Just kidding! Their boss is named Parthunax and he ISSSSSSSSS!!!! How many times will I have to say it? I'm not going to spoil you until the time comes, and you can enjoy the shock and awe I felt when I learned the truth! Just once, it would seem. UNLESS, I feel like toturing you with the fact that I know more than you do, and you're not going to learn about it until near the end... Which will be awhile!

Forget that tangent! I'm REALLY going to the Graybeards because, after this... I will be able to fight dragons all over the place! This is what my friend told me, and apparently it's not totally accurate. If you want to fight dragons before seeing the Graybeards, you CAN! This is just one of the features of Skyrim that makes it so awesome. You can go anywhere, do anything, WHENEVER you want! Yay! Even though in the larger scheme of things you can mess up the order of doing things, and you will probably be going back to many dungeons you were in before to obtain various junk for other people... redundancy... which leads to... BOREDOM!

Guess we could do the main quest now, I 'spose.

I have to admit how short sighted I was when I took on this quest. I left my stolen horse at the bottom of the mountain and hiked up the BILLION steps on foot... Not one of my brightest moments, but in my defense: horses seem to have problems running up stairs. Even though in everything ELSE: they deny the laws of physics.

Can't get up that sheer rock wall? Ride a horse!

Upon reaching the top of the stairs, I see a shrine with various goodies around it and a HUGE chest of what has GOT to be important stuff. I grab everything else, and then approach the chest, as I activate it, I notice right before it opens that my pointer had said Chest (empty).... you b******! After all that ridiculous climbing, nearly getting mauld by a troll, and having to make sure Lydia didn't get accidently killed by me (I will explain who Lydia is in her own little post, because there is just so much that happens to her that she needs the room!) and you leave me with THIS?! An EMPTY epic chest? Really? For real? Seriously? ..... WHY?! Well, I'll tell you, since nobody else will. Ahem. According to the story, and if you really care about the depth of the world created AND if you listened to the two guys down at the bottom talking about bringing supplies to the Graybeards, THEN you would know.

See? They don't talk to YOU, they talk to Klimmek... Whoever that is....

Soooooo, after eavesdropping on their conversation, I KNOW what that chest is for, but I was just in denial about it. I wanted there to be something in there that would be useful to me, since... you know... I'm the Dragonborn and all... *cough* In reality, there is nothing in there because the guy who was SUPPOSED to put stuff in there didn't do what he was SUPPOSED to do as the delivery boy because he's a woose! Hear that, Klimmek?! You're a little PANSY! Now I don't get my loot because you're afraid of a few wolves and a TROLL! Come on! One troll can't kill you! (Actually, they can! Especially in the beginning of the game, where everyone else is a weak mortal taken down by stupid mudcrabs). ...Now you know the truth. No matter how much you want to deny it, that first epic chest is empty because it was supposed to be filled with supplies for the Graybeards, but idiot, fool, pansy Klimmek did not do his job properly, and we all have to deal with the consequences. Even though there are going to be numerous other epic chests, this is just pathetic. Who knows how helpful that loot could have been in the beginning of them game when we were all weak and defenseless and all we have for backup is Lydia-who-gets-in-my-way-and-gets-killed-by-me-all-the-time? We'll never know because Klimmek is a useless delivery boy and can't make this delivery because YOU KNOW WHAT?! FORGET ABOUT KLIMMEK! LET'S JUST GET ON WITH MY DESTINY!

I just... I just want one good picture of my destiny. Just ONE! It is turning out to be difficult to capture this in a picture, but I'm looking! I WILL find a picture! Unless, I get too lazy and opt out for one that is marginally epic... Come on, people! I'm not asking for a lot! I'm only asking that you accurately capture all my thoughts and feelings in an epic picture portraying my destiny. Stupid internet and your slowness.

I could say something like this: "SKYRIM is my destiny!" Which wouldn't be a total lie...

Woah... I believe, ladies and gentlemen, that I have gotten to the HEART of this! My DESTINY is to conquer AAAALLLLL of Tamriel! Or at least as much as possible! While I go do that you people are responsible for holding down the fort! Wish me luck!

Huzzah! The SECOND adventure begins!

I know! I'm surprised too! Seriously, I think I might have an addiction starting with this blogging thing, but it's fun... So I shall continue for the sake of my READERS! Plus, I'm really enjoying myself! DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE LITTLE TANGENTS I GET ON INSTEAD OF GETTING STRAIGHT TO MY STORY?! Thanks, I like them too!

Let me just take another moment to find some AWESOME pictures! This gosh darned internet! DIE!

Here it is! What you have all been waiting for! My FIRST, well actually SECOND encounter with a dragon!

We've gotten past the point where I returned the dragon dohickey thing. Now I can proceed to tell you all about my encounter with a DRAGON! DRAGON! YEAH! I love me some dragons. I can't think of any other game in which dragons are as exciting. In order to receive the honor of fighting my first ever dragon, I have to be FORCED (not really, at this point it's more like "Am I going to fight a dragon now? Am I going to fight a dragon NOW? AM I GOING TO FIGHT A DRAGON NOW?!") to tag along with the DEG (refer to previous posts for the definition of DEG) and her cohorts. Of course, we couldn't go slay a dragon without a pep talk from the DEG and a huge morality boost. That accomplished, we head out... TO SLAY SOME DRAGON!

I want to do this SO BAD! If I could find a way to jump that far and a dragon stupid enough to fly that close to a cliffedge, my life would be complete!

After running back and forth from the quest marker and to my SLOWER THAN SLUGS hunting party, we decide "Oh, hey! Let's chill behind this rock and see if there's a dragon still around, because there is no WAY that dragon can see us hiding back here." Actually, I have to give DEG more credit, if ever I was in a real life war situation, I would probably want to be under her unit because she watches out for her people... and verbally abuses the men if they are too wimpy to go fight a dragon... WIN! We are promptly given orders to check out the destroyed tower for survivors and to keep an eye out for any dragons. Easy enough, we run out there only to be yelled out by a survivor we're looking for that the dragon is BACK!

This is the moment when I heroically shout "BRING IT!" and slay the dragon with my awesome and amazing skills as a WARRIOR! ... This did not happen... In actuality, I flee into the tower and let all the guys outside take the heat. I know! What an awful thing to do! Leave your comrades out there to die?! Seriously, who does that? I'm sorry, okay?! I'm SORRY! I panicked! This is my first time ever attempting to SLAY a dragon! I mean, come on! Give me a break! I had to run this dialogue through my head in order to gain the nerve to venture to the top of the tower and check out the dragon.

Yep... Still very intimidating...

After spinning around like an idiot trying to locate the red marker on my compass, I see the dragon. It is a life changing event for me. It swoops down from the sky and hovers over its enemies breathing a molten jet of flame over them! It was so COOL! I loved it and yet I still had to slay it. Problem. Despite my conflicting feelings, I take out my bow and promptly shoot dozens of arrows at the thing like a barrage of steel tipped DEATH! .... *sigh* I miss a lot. Then... The unspeakable happens. The dragon takes notice of ME. This is because it has already made short work of everyone below, and I'm the only one left.

Don't panic. Don't panic. DON'T PANIC! I go into panic mode. I run back into the tower and wait for it to pass. I take a peak outside through a window and get FLAMED! Heal, heal, heal! Then my warrior mode kicks in. "That dragon has only a smidge of health left. You could take it down with a few more arrows." Good GOD! Warrior mode is right! Let's do this thing! I run outside shoot another volley of arrows, miss most of them, hit the dragon once, get FLAMED, run back inside the tower, and heal. Phew... Only two more to go!

This final moment is really special. I prepare to shoot the dragon one FINAL time and defeat the evil menace. I feel very epic pointing my arrow down at the dragon from the top of the tower, a dragon who is so tired and beaten up that he can't even fly. *soft inner sob* It looks up at me, and I look down at it. It FLAMES me and I SHOOT it! The dragon dies, I run down the tower, and YIPPEE! I absorb the dragons SOUL! I am DOVAKHIM!

Now I get the run down. Arnold Schwarzeneeger guy tells me that "You. You are dragonborn!" Of course, the whole time I'm absorbing the dragon's soul before this, I am shouting to the world "I'M DRAGONBORN!" Nonetheless, I let him shower me with awe and praise, and even get to shout above his head... He was thoroughly impressed.

I shout like THIS! Except I'm a woman and look much prettier.

Shouting is by far my favorite aspect of this game. I literally run around shouting people down wherever I go. Dragons included. I no longer feel empathy for these things like with the first one, now I just want their souls so that I can unlock more shouts. Plus, they show up EVERY time I fast travel somewhere, so there is definetly no shortage of dragons. Which brings me to another aspect of the game I find enjoyable: the EPIC music that plays whenever you're about to fight a dragon! It's amazing. One moment you're strolling through the woods, scaring all the wildlife, when DUN-DUN-DUH! Epic music starts playing! Ugh! I love it! I always spin around like a moron looking for that red mark on my compass, it's quite comic actually.

These and many other reasons are why I love Skyrim so much, but since I am so burnt out on Skyrim at the moment I am typing this blog. We'll see how long this lasts. Probably only until I get another video game to engross myself in, then I'll write another blog. Yay! The cycle continues. Seriously, though, if you haven't played Skyrim yet go out and get it. Right now!

A game of the ages! SKYRIM!

Don't worry, I'm not finished with this blog yet! How could I be when Skyrim has over 3000 hours of gameplay?

This FIRST Adventure in Skyrim is taking forever!

Here it is! The LONG awaited conclusion to my FIRST adventure in Skyrim. I know you can hardly contain yourself but hold on! I would like to take this time to tell you that this has been such a wonderful learning experience in which I have learned new ways to enhance my blog. For example, adding exciting things like CAPS and exclamation points! Also, pictures which there have been three of! (I must again thank my most wonderful friend for showing me how to do this faster since my internet is such a slowslowslowlslow...slow...slow..sl...o....w.... You get the idea. Anywho, thank you my wonderful readers who NEVER comment, but enjoy the content all the same. I thank you... again!

I shall now tell you of my adventure into the draugr infested cave that holds the weird dragon plate thing that will save all of SKYRIM! It's not actually that important. Nonetheless, I BRAVELY my stupid cat wants love and attention and is seriously disturbing my typing! I BRAVELY enter the ruins after defeating some bandits camped outside. My stolen horse of course helped me. Stupid cat quit waving your butt in my face! I love my kitty, I really do. Don't mistake these sudden outbursts for abusiveness, because I have never EVER abused my precious kitty. She doesn't even know to stay away when we are doing target practice with our guns... She likes to chase the wood that spurts out the back... Which could include an occasional bullet... ANYWAYS, OFF THE SIDETRACKING! I enter the FREAKING ruin!

This isn't it. I'm just too lazy to look for the actual one.

Of course, this is my first time entering one of these ruins, and my friend who shall remain unnamed did not forwarn me about anything. I'm assuming this was to enhance the gameplay. It worked. I enter all "la di da di day!" and BAM! Draugr right in my face hacking and slashing at me! My stupid cat is trying to steal my chocolates! MY CHOCOLATES! NOOOOO! DON'T YOU DARE KNOCK DOWN THAT WATER! phew... all good. I dispatch the first draugr with minimal panic which included screaming and lots of button mashing. Good times. I proceeded much more cautiously. I trekked through the rest of the dungeon crouched. I felt like a creeper.

There we go! A picture that accurately shows the TERROR of this MUMMY!

Just wait. I'm adding another picture! OH the EXCITEMENT! Stupid internet....

This picture surprisingly makes sneaking look cool... Something I did not accomplish myself.

Finally, I decided "You know what? Screw the draugr! I'm SPRINTING through this thing!" Of course, after acquiring an entourage of draugr trying to kill me, I promptly died... I screamed and panicked the whole time too. I opted out for the sneaking scheme again and emerged VICTORIOUS! HUZZAH! I hacked and slashed my way through those bad boys and even lead them into traps that could be considered low, but I... am a WARRIOR! I defeated them and stole all their LOOT! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! I shall henceforth be known as "THE CONQUEROR OF THE WEAK!" including a side caption of how often I weep bitter tears over all the junk I have to drop in order to pick up more junk... sigh...

Fastforward, I get the tablet, return to Whiterun, give the tablet to sucky voice actor mage, and am assigned my SECOND adventure! I must say this one is much more exciting.. MUCH MORE! I get to encounter my first EVER....! Cliffhanger! Mah!

My FIRST Adventure in Skyrim Paaaart 2!

I have to admit... This is a MIRACLE! I didn't think that I would be capable of updating so soon. Instead of going over the joys of my success I will proceed to tell you of my visit to the Jarl.

Finally, I had made it to Dragonsreach after spending several minutes selling my crap to all the local merchants. I was in awe as I approached the huge structure knowing that I had obtained the best possible price for all my goods at my current speech level. This was going to be an epic day in the world of Skyrim.

Now I shall interrupt this blog with a brief picture of this structure, so that my readers KNOW exactly what I am talking about. I must also thank a friend of mine for showing me how to upload these pictures with such speed and grace that I can't even tell that my internet is slower than an extinct dinosaur.

Look at it's magnificence! What amazing architecture! Such pristine atmosphere!

Now that you KNOW what it is that I'm talking about I shall continue my tale. Upon approaching the massive double doors, I steal myself for the awesomeness that I am about to experience. With baited breath I activate the door and... MY STUPID GAME FREEZES!! You could not BELIEVE my fury! I cussed up a storm as I stood up and went around to my PS3 and forcefully shut it DOWN. I returned to my seat, rearranged myself, and waited what felt like hours for my PS3 to reanimate itself...

All is not lost. Luckily, I am one of those people who saves so often that they find their game is slowing down before they have even played it for a week. Phew. NOW I quickly race up the steps to the Jarl's house, activate the door, and silently pray that the game will not freeze. It doesn't. I successfully enter Dragonsreach and begin my ascent to the Jarl's throne. Then to my astonishment a Dark Elf lady draws her sword and starts walking towards me threateningly. I decide that instead of allowing her to approach me, I will play a demented game of tag around the central fire pit. Needless to say she did not react to this and continued her pursuit of me with her menacing gaze and creeping feet.

That would be her. She's on the RIGHT! The FAR right!

I wish I could find better pictures of what I'm looking for, but since I have forgotten her name and can't find anything when I google "Skyrim: dragonsreach jarl's bodyguard" I have settled with this. I'm sure it would help if I could remember what her name is, but I'm just not coming up with anything.

Once tired of our little dance around the fire, I proceed to dash towards the Jarl and talk to him before his Dark Elf bodyguard can even touch me! Ha! The Jarl was none too pleased with that, but he apparently didn't understand that I was someone important and if he wanted to continue his role of being a key helper in all of this, he would need to be more courteous. ANYWAY, after that, things went swimmingly. I explained to him that "ALL HELL HAS BRAKEN LOOSE AND DRAGONS ARE SWOOPING AMONG US!" He keeps his cool and orders me and his DEB (Dark Elf Bodyguard) to go check out a nearby tower... WAIT! That happens after I go hunting in some ruins that I get killed many times by stupid draugr to find some dragon plate thing.

Okay, backtracking here. I approach the Jarl and tell him about dragons and the weather and ask him all sorts of questions about himself, and then finally go off to his mage guy. I find HIM in a side room doing magey stuff and activate talk to him. I gag. His voice actor is GOD AWFUL! It has to do with the way he enunciates stuff! It's horrid! Despite that, I persevere. He explains to me that blah blah blah he needs this artifact to help him protect the Reach from dragons, so "Okay, I'll go get this dragon plate thing." He does forworn me that I will more than likely die on this endever... He is correct... Multiple times...

THIS has been a very successful blog I'd say, and I will update eeeventually on what happens inside the stupid draugr infested tomb where I successfully locate the stupid dragon plate thing and return to the REach. Did I mention I stole a horse? I'll get to that later. For now enjoy this post and admire the two pictures!